


say you won’t let go

by softiesharpie



Series: Season 5 Inspired Fics [13]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Nightmares, Other, set after 5x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24409897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softiesharpie/pseuds/softiesharpie
Summary: "Every time I close my eyes... I see you. On your back. With zombies surrounding you..." Ava inhaled shakily as tears filled her eyes. "You dying. I keep replaying it over and over again in my head. And I get so anxious that I feel sick. B-because I watched you die... you d-died."OrAva has a nightmare about Sara dying and Sara helps her through it. Hurt/comfort.
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Series: Season 5 Inspired Fics [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1631806
Comments: 11
Kudos: 156





	say you won’t let go

**Author's Note:**

> I know I just wrote a nightmare hurt/comfort fic a weeks ago... but this idea came to me after finishing the episode last night and I just had to write it then. This fic is set after 5x13. Enjoy!
> 
> The title is from 'Say You Won't Let Go' by James Arthur.
> 
> Please do not repost my stories anywhere.

Screams.

That's how Ava's nightmares always started. Loud, shrill screams filled her ears. It took a couple of nights for her to realize that they were her own.

She almost didn't recognize the sheer agony in her voice as she watched Sara get killed by zombies.

She'd wake up in the middle of the night, her breathing heavy and her heart racing.

She'd sit on the bed, hand over her heart as she tried to calm down.

Then she'd carefully get up and leave the room so she wouldn't accidentally wake Sara. She'd find herself in the Waverider's only bathroom, on the floor with her hands covering her face to muffle her sobs.

She hated that she was still upset about this.

It had been a few days since they were brought out of the film they were in and put back in the real world. A few days since she remembered Sara's death. And she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Once she calmed herself down, she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror and frowned at her reflection.

She could see how red her eyes were from crying.

She went back to the bedroom and got into bed next to Sara, who instantly curled into her. She was calmed by that, by Sara's subconscious movements.

She wrapped her arms around the blonde and let out a shaky breath, staring up at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

The next day, she was exhausted.

She knew it wasn't healthy to not sleep, but she was embarrassed. The rest of the team seemed pretty much unfazed by the memories they'd got back.

She wished she could just let go what she saw, wished that she could erase the memory of Sara's death from her mind. But she couldn't. And she was almost angry at herself for it.

The team noticed how Ava was more quiet than usual and seemed to zone off during conversations.

They asked her many times if she was okay, and she lied and said 'yes'. Which made her feel more embarrassed.

Why couldn't she just tell them? She trusted them and knew they wouldn't laugh or think it was ridiculous.

If anything, they'd just be concerned about her wellbeing.

Sara noticed, too.

She noticed how Ava sounded distant when they were talking, like she was lost in her head about something.

She also noticed that Ava was a bit more clingy than normal, not that she minded. She didn't at all mind how Ava tried to keep some contact between them at all times.

She was just worried. Ava wasn't normally like this.

That night as they were getting ready for bed, Sara decided to bring up what she'd been thinking about all day.

"Is everything okay?" She asked as she got into bed with Ava.

There was a long moment of silence and she briefly wondered if Ava was ignoring her, before she heard a slight hitch in her girlfriends breath and a shaky sigh.

She frowned. "Baby?" She asked, concerned.

"S-sorry." She heard Ava mutter and she frowned more.

"Sorry for what?" She asked.

Ava sniffed. "I should be over this. It's been almost a week." She said, sounding a bit irked.

She was frustrated with herself. Frustrated that she overthought everything and couldn't shut off her thoughts. Frustrated that whenever she closed her eyes, all she saw was Sara dying.

Sara turned slightly to face her and took her hand.

She saw a vision of Ava, tears in her eyes, telling her about her memories. And it dawned on her.

Of course Ava was still haunted by that. Sara would be, too, if it were the other way around.

"It's okay to not be over it, Aves." She said in the softest voice, gently running her thumb over Ava's knuckles before she brought her hand up to her lips to kiss it. "Don't beat yourself up about it."

Ava sighed. "I know. It's just... everyone else seems so unaffected by it. We don't talk about it anymore and they all seem... okay. And I'm not. I-I'm not okay." Her voice shook as she tightened her grip on Sara's hand.

"E-every time I close my eyes... I see you. On your back. With zombies surrounding you..." she inhaled shakily as tears filled her eyes. "You dying. I keep replaying it over and over again in my head. And I get so anxious that I feel sick. B-because I watched you die... you d-died."

Ava let go of Sara's hand to hide her face, her words crumbling into quiet sobs. Her stomach was in knots, the image of what happened seared into her brain.

She could feel her heart racing, anguish building in her chest.

She barely registered Sara's arms wrapping around her as her girlfriend whispered calming words into her ear. She leaned against Sara, her head resting on her shoulder as she cried.

Sara was patient as always, holding Ava close as she tried to help her down from her panic.

“It's okay, Aves. Everything's okay." She said in a soft voice, kissing Ava's temple as she felt Ava start to calm down.

Her heart ached. It always did when her girlfriend was in pain. All she wanted to do was help her feel better.

She ran her fingers through Ava's hair as she heard Ava's sobs started to lessen. She felt Ava's shaky breath on her neck and noticed her start to relax against her.

When Ava moved her hands away from her face and took Sara's hand, the captain took it as a sign that she was feeling a bit better.

"God, I hate feeling like this." Is the first thing Ava said.

"I know." Was Sara's reply.

"I should be over this. I mean... we've had near death situations before but- but this is different. I've never had to see you... die." Ava had to force the words out.

"I know." Sara said again, kissing her temple before saying, "and I'm sorry. I thought me dying was the only option but... but I guess I didn't think about it too much. I'm sort of desensitized to the whole dying thing because, you know, I've died before. A lot." She chuckled a bit sadly.

"Sure it upset me, but I guess I just accepted it. Because I knew you and the Legends would bring me back." She added.

Ava nodded. She understood that it wasn't the first, or second, or even third time Sara died. So it made sense that the captain wouldn't be so affected by it now.

She let out a long sigh before chuckling. "For someone who's not meant to have emotions, I sure feel a lot of them right now. Too much, even." She joked.

"Ava." Sara said in a gasp, surprised that she was making clone jokes.

"What?" Ava said and shrugged.

"Two clone jokes in one day." Sara said, astonished almost.

"Yeah, I mean... joking about your pain is a good coping mechanism." Ava said matter-of-factly.

Sara thought about that for a moment before nodding. "I get that. It's like when I joke about how I can't count on one hand how many times I've died." She said.

Ava winced. "Too soon, babe."

Sara pressed her lips together and winced, too. "Right. Sorry."

Ava just looked at her for a moment with a small smile on her face before whispering, "thank you."

Sara looked puzzled. "For what?"

"Being there and being patient with me." Ava said, squeezing Sara's hand. "And for putting up with my clone jokes." She said the last part a little jokingly.

Sara's face softened and she smiled. "You don't need to thank me."

Ava just smiled at her and pulled her close, getting comfortable under the sheets. She felt Sara relax into her and let out a content sigh.

She waited a moment, enjoying the silence between them, before suddenly saying, "you know... I could probably practice my clone jokes with Zari now."

Her heart warmed when Sara, taken aback, just let out a loud laugh and hid her face in Ava's neck.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I always picture Ava making clone jokes and, after 5x13, I can't stop thinking about Ava and Zari making clone jokes together. Comment your thoughts? :)
> 
> (Also I feel kind of uncreative because the summary for this fic is similar to the one I posted weeks ago, but it's fine :') )
> 
> Also, if you want to see me scream about Avalance, here's my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/softiesharpie) :) (I haven't been that active lately, but I do post an Avalance smau every Friday)


End file.
